I posted this link on Twitter, but I figured it should go on the blog as well. The article discusses the health and financial benefits of monogamy in relationships and even in sports.

Source: WSJ

We see powerful men falling all the time, but Professor Sara Lipton reminds us that historically powerful men were men that could resist temptation and men who got caught up with women were deemed weak.  This paragraph provides a great synopsis for this insightful article:

This conception of masculinity is relatively new, however. For most of Western history, the primary and most valued characteristic of manhood was self-mastery. Late antique and Roman writers, like Plutarch, lauded men for their ability to resist sexual temptation and control bodily desire through force of will and intellect. Too much sex was thought to weaken men

I firmly believe in the concept of self-mastery or the concept that we can control of our actions.  No one can make a man cheat.  While it is true that no one is perfect, we should all aspire for perfection.  Unfortunately, it seems as though today’s “leaders” want to control the budget without even being about to control their own lives.

Source: NYTimes

I read a recent article on Salon entitled “Why I’m Still Hot for My Wife.”. Naturally, I jumped at the opportunity of reading an article written by a man on the value of monogamy. The author crucified Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dominique Strauss-Kahn and talked about his 36-year marriage and how he has enjoyed making love to his wife over 3000 times. Good so far. Then he says that he had two “tepid” flings, but told his wife about it? I had no idea where that came from.

There’s nothing wrong with cheating and realizing the error of your mistake. There is something wrong with a person who’s cheated in their own relationship and yet attempts to be the voice of monogamy.

I’ve never cheated on my fiancé. And I never will. If I ever cheated on her, the Manogamy Movement would be shut down immediately because it would be a lie. I believe that it’s possible for men to be in a lifelong, 100% committed relationship. Not 99%. Not a relationship in which you cheat and promptly disclose that information.

I realize that I’m taking a bold stance. I would like to have more people blog on the site, but it’s hard because I can’t be faithful for someone else. Moreover, people act differently behind closed doors.

That’s my challenge, bringing together men who will advocate for monogamy AND who are 100% committed. I know we’re out there and I’m going to make sure we get a voice (and stop letting the guy from Salon purport to represent us).

I received the following email from someone that stumbled across my blog a week ago. I am so honored, that I decided to post it in its entirety.  I have, with permission, modified the beginning to keep it anonymous.

[Hey, i stumbled across your youtube page and then from there found my way to your blog and twitter. i just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have been doing. Since I grew up with all brothers, I have always been "one of the guys" and mostly became friends with boys in highschool and college.]

Because I was always just “one of the guys” I was privy to a lot of conversations and daily interactions that go on between men that most girls would not see or be a part of. Unfortunately this gave me a first row seat into the way typical guys really think of women, and the compete lack of respect that is just accepted as normal in the young adult male culture.  As I grew older I began to notice it more and more, and came to realize that this routine sexual objectification of women was not something I should just accept as “okay”. Finally after I discovered that many guys I consider to be “close” friends visit the website www.barstoolsports.com every day, i became somewhat depressed. This is a very popular blog among college age men, in which women are routinely objectified and men are brought to their most base level. Beyond that, the guys are all so addicted to watching porn. This culture, as you have alluded to in your blog, influences women to become insecure and vicious toward one another. Through my years in college I was able to watch this happening  on both sides of the coin. I have been able to bring my boyfriend into the light and show him how low all of these things are, and he has truly changed. However he would never invite his friends to join him in this change of heart because he is so outnumbered and I think he is scared.

At this point I am not worried about him or his friends; my main concern is for my brothers. I have helped raise them since they were babies and I love them so much, I want them to truly be good men. They are all starting to hit high school and college and I find that many of them look at the same websites and read the same magazines as most of these guy friends I mentioned, the ones that are brainwashed by our media culture that they should be these knuckle-dragging, sex-obsessed chauvinists — and they don’t even realize it. They think that everything they see in these cultural outlets is normal and that stripping women of human dignity is totally fine. i am so scared that my little brothers are going to grow up and become just like this and I have felt powerless to stop it. For several months now I have been rather depressed about this because as a women it is difficult to conceive of a way to turn this around–the recognition and willingness to change has to come from within the male culture. Because the hookup culture is so permeating, i have always thought that there would be nowhere for them to see that other men have opted out of this culture and chosen to respect monogamy and relationships. It is this in particular that got me so excited about your website. You are truly a hero and an inspiration and I am going to do everything I can to spread the word about your brilliant cause as well as that of The Good Men Project.

You have made me feel hopeful and inspired for the first time in a long time.

Thank you so much.

[Name]

There are many times when I get frustrated and wonder if I’m even reaching people.  Emails like this make me realize that I’m on the right track and what the Manogamy Movement serves a much needed purpose.

…he thinks it will just collect dust on shelves unless men change.  Rather than running away from a challenge, why not try to do something that will make a lasting impact on those who need it most?  That’s why I created this site.

Source: Salon

Today marks the one year anniversary of this site.  I just want to thank everyone for the support.  I’ve learned a lot about relationships during this year; more than I care to know to be quite honest.  I’ve made rookie blogger mistakes, i.e. not properly forwarding my @manogamy.com address to my personal Gmail account.  I’ve exposed Ashley Madison posing as a MyMarriageMatters.org.  I’ve been profiled by a couple sites.

The most rewarding thing happened to me just yesterday.  I received the following instant message from one of my high school friends:

him: seriuosly though, u have inspired me to manogamy in my next relationship

If I can inspire one man to be monogamous, then I’ve accomplished my goal.  And I hope that I’ve inspired more than him.

I’ve got BIG plans for the next year of the Manogamy Movement.  I still plan on blogging and tweeting.  I just signed up for a Tumblr account, so I’ll try that out.  I also have some big plans for my personal life which you’ll hear about shortly.

Again thank you and I hope that you will continue to stay on this journey with me.

Regards,

A. Jarrod Jenkins

I started this site because I believe in the power of commitment amongst men. It seems like whenever you turn on the TV, there’s a new story about some guy cheating.

Men take note; women are watching these stories too. They don’t want a rich man like Tiger Woods if they are just going to end up like Elin. In the end, women prefer stability over riches.

Don’t believe me? Well according to a recent poll, women overwhelmingly prefer stability over a man that can take them shopping on Rodeo Drive. There are plenty of rich guys out there, but few that will say “I don’t and won’t cheat.”

According to the article, the economic downturn may have something to do with the rise in “pragmatics.”

Men should really be excited about this. I’ve always valued a woman that can appreciate the little things in life. Marriage is supposed to be “for richer or for poorer” and many people only seem to hear the latter. There’s no way to predict how anyone will act to foreclosure or a job loss in advance, but you can definitely rule her out as a potential soulmate if she can’t appreciate the dollar theatre.

So fellas PLEASE stop all the “flossing.” If you really were wealthy, you wouldn’t have to flaunt it and it’s not going to help you keep a woman if you ever find one.

Source: Daily Mail

There is a silent killer in relationships.  It’s not Facebook per se.  And infidelity is a natural result of it.  That silent killer is having too many choices.

One of the basic principles of economics is the concept of diminishing marginal utility.  In other words, the more you have of something, the happier it makes you.  However, there comes a point when having more will make you less happy.  The every Econ Prof. loves the example of the chocolate chip cookie.  Give me one cookie and I’m happy.  Give me two cookies and I’m even happier.  However, there comes a point when I will get a stomach ache if I eat another one.

Men today face the largest pool of women in the history of mankind.  We can find eligible women everywhere: in our hometowns, at college, at work, online, etc.  There is such thing as having too large of a dating pool.

1. When men have too many choices, they DELAY decisions.  This explains why people are getting married later and later.  I posted earlier about how there are now more unmarried people between 25-34 than married.  And guess what, that range is only going to expand because the chances of a woman getting married after 35 significantly decrease.

2. When men have too many choices, they DON’T MAKE decisions.  The article from #1 explains reports there is a higher number of unmarried people in larger cities.  It’s hard to settle down if there are an abundance of 10s.  I read a book on the sex ratio a couple of years ago and it explained that when there is a higher percentage of women to men, men are less likely to commit (i.e. UGA).  However, when there is a shortage of women, men are more likely to take women off of the market (i.e. GA Tech).

3. When men have too many choices, they MAKE SHALLOW decisions.  Because it is more difficult to process information when we have too many choices, we make cognitive shortcuts.  In the case of dating, we select women based on physical characteristics because we do not have the time to invest in getting to know the person (just think about how you decide to approach a woman on Facebook).

4. When men have too many choices, they GET to PLAY MORE.  This is closely related to #2.  The same book on the sex ratio stresses how women are more likely to engage in nonexclusive relationships when the sex ratio is not in their favor.  In other words, women at schools like UGA with a ratio in favor of men are more likely to take what they can get (i.e. drunken hookups).  However, when women are in demand, women do not have to work as hard to get the attention of men.  If you want to see this phenomenon in action, look no further to Facebook.  Single women know that they are “competing” with millions (roughly 250) of other women and consequently post sexually provocative pictures of themselves to gain the attention of potential suitors.

5. When men have too many choices, they MORE LIKELY to cheat.  I’m too lazy to find an article on point for this proposition, but I think it’s relatively intuitive.  It goes directly to #4.  If there is a shortage of eligible men, women are more likely to get involved with a man in a relationship.  Also, when there is a larger dating pool, it’s easier to cheat and not get caught.

So what do we do? Cities are only getting bigger. Facebook is here to stay.  Women are continuing to outperform men in the classroom.  It’s clear that men are going to have a plethora of choices from here on out.

That’s why I created this site.  Gone are the days when men when men got married because they only had a few women to choose from.  Men must now actively desire to commit/be faithful notwithstanding the social factors making it harder to do so.

Picture Source (I have Flava Flav & VH1, but it’s the best picture I could find)

One of my law school friends wrote a blog post today challenging the notion that men aren’t into intelligent women.  In fact, she argued that men are into intelligent women.  I agree wholeheartly with her.

The woman pictured above is Chantal Raymond.  She is Miss Jamaica World 2010.  Oh yeah, she’s a Harvard Law graduate. 

For some strange reason, I don’t think that last piece of information tarnished your perception of her.  If anything, it only makes her more appealing.

You see, first and foremost men are looking for a hot wife/girlfriend.  When we look at a woman walking down the street, we don’t know anything about her.  All we see is her appearance – that’s the floor from which a woman can’t fall below.  Anything else that she has to offer is a plus.

People mistakenly think that women can have a negative strike against them.  That’s a load of crap.  I am a firm believer that every man wants to marry a woman that is a supermodel (a.k.a. hot) with a Ph.D. (intelligent) that’s a virgin (wholesome) (in that order).

You wonder why men marry hot women that are bimbos or golddiggers?  Because they are still hot women at a minimum.  No one seems to care what Kobe’s wife did before she met him.  You can say what you want her, but I’m willing to bet that 95% of men would be fine dating a golddigger that looks like Vanessa.  And you can talk all the trash you want about Karrine Stefans, a.k.a. Superhead, but again, most guys could only dream of dating someone like her (although I don’t think she’s all that).

But in the end, what men, especially intelligent men, want is powerful, intelligent woman.  According to Dr. Chris Blazina, author of The Secret Lives of Men:

This generation of men has grown up seeing women in positions of power — female doctors, lawyers, even presidential candidates — so they’re not put off by a driven, confident woman. In fact, they’re turned on by those qualities

Why you may ask? According to Dr. David Wexler, it keeps men on their toes because they have someone to disagree with.  Wexler believes that men get bored when they’re with a woman that doesn’t challenge them. 

Intelligent women are here to stay.  Last year marked the first time that more women received Ph.Ds than men.  To this day, hot women tend to gravitate toward modeling and the media.  However, as woman continue to make strides in education and professionalism, there’ll be a larger selection of hot women in a wider array of graduate programs.

I’ve been in law school and I saw how guys fought over the few hot girls there.  If a guy decided to date an undergrad, as I did, it was because she was hot, not because we wanted to date someone that wasn’t pursuing an advanced degree.

There will come a day, when you’ll run into a hot woman that happens to be a doctor or a lawyer.  If you turn her down, it only indicates that you’re not that attracted to her in the first place because if you were, you’d get over it…and quickly.

Source: Cosmo, Above the Law. Washington Post

Barnes (L) and Thompson (Right)

We all know that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession.  I”m sure that stripping isn’t that far behind it.  We also know that call girls and strippers make really good money.

What’s new, however, is the mass appeal of being a hoe.  Karrine Steffans, also known as Superhead, has written three books, one of which is a New York Times Bestseller.  Some of the biggest celebrities today got their start from ”accidentally” releasing sextapes, such as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.  The promise of fame and fortune from being a hoe even led to Laurence Fishbourne’s daughter to pornography (she said she was inspired by Kim K).  Moreover, every VH1 dating show casts women as money hungry bimbos that will do anything for 15 minutes of fame.

I guess this phenomenon really hit me when I read the story behind UK soccer player Wayne Rooney’s affair with Miss Jennifer Thompson.  Thompson and her best friend Amy Leigh Barnes went to Catholic school together, but decided early on that they wanted to be famous by sleeping with professional athletes.  Barnes eventually started dating soccer coach Ricardo Morrison after the two met on Facebook.  Morrison became violent once Barnes tried to leave her and he was eventually convicted of killing her.  Thompson is a 1,200 pound/night call girl.  She began receiving money for sex from professional soccer players while she was in high school.

One often wanders how stories like this happen.  But if you think about it, it’s not that hard to imagine.  There are very few aspiring role models for young women in the media.  There are media personalities (Tyra/Ellen), political figures (Michelle Obamas/Sarah Palin), but that’s about it.  BET gives out shows to rappers’ baby mamas.  VH1 gives out shows to women that are comfortable with three-way kisses.  And if you’ve slept with enough celebrities, you’ll have people knocking down on your door to write a book.  So what do we tell our daughters?  You can make go to school until you’re in your late 20s to be a doctor or you can get a 10-year head start and be a call girl?

Few people realize that the fast lifestyle is just that…fast.  One weeks hot women is the next week’s old news.  Women make much money money as doctors in lawyers in their 30s and beyond than video vixens, strippers, and prostitutes.

Just look at the relative popularity of Kim Kardashian (blue) and Paris Hilton (orange)

Kim v. Paris

This chart displays a couple of things.  First, it shows how short-lived Paris’s reign as heiress really was.  Second, it conveys that even though the Kardashians are seemingly ubiquituous, Kim K doesn’t even come close to where Paris Hilton was a few years ago.  The problem is that despite the fact that Kim K isn’t as big of a deal as she appears to be, she is still way more popular than the First Lady (orange).

Kim v. First Lady

 So if we don’t want our daughters to want to be Kim K, what needs to happen?  I think it’s relatively simple, don’t make being a hoe seem so profitable.  If you’re a man, you can stop employing the services of a hooker.  If you’re a woman, you can stop picking up those supermarket magazines with Kim K on the cover every week.  Everyone can stop watching their show(s).  Most importantly, you can be a living example of how to lady (as a man) or how to be a lady (as a woman).

Source: Daily Mail (UK)