I’ve never really been a fan of online dating.  I’ve always seen it as a meeting place for people who do not have luck in the “real world.”  Proponents of online dating reference the ability to match people based upon interests.  Sure enough, online dating is the number three way people meet (behind family/friends and work).

This week the New Yorker had a feature article on dating sites.  The article focused at length on the science behind matchmaking and whether all the research actually counts for something.  In the end, the algorithms used to predict compatibility are no better than a friend saying “Hey, I know someone I think you would be interested in.”

According to the article, one of the reasons why online dating does not work is because there are too many options.  The article states:

If your herd is larger, your top choice is likely to be better, in theory, anyway. This can cause problems. When there is something better out there, you can’t help trying to find it. You fall prey to the tyranny of choice—the idea that people, when faced with too many options, find it harder to make a selection. If you are trying to choose a boyfriend out of a herd of thousands, you may choose none of them. Or you see someone until someone better comes along. The term for this is “trading up.” It can lead you to think that your opportunities are virtually infinite, and therefore to question what you have. It can turn people into products.

I’ve previously written about this topic. but the New Yorker made me think about this in phenomenon in a new light.  Of course datin sites and sites which you can use to find dates (i.e. Facebook) present unlimited options for users of the site, but what about people who do not use the site.  In other words, does the fact that Match.com and Facebook exist delay dating decisions for people who could, but do not, use the sites?

I would be interested in seeing some research in this area, but I am sure that dating trends are similar for users and nonusers.  Before we had the Internet, we knew that there were attractive people outside of our social circle, but it was difficult to connect with them.  However, with the Internet, reaching a stranger from another state or even country is as easy as pressing send.  While it seems like everyone is on Facebook (they have 700 million members after all), there are still billions of individuals who do not use the site.  If they are at least aware of the site, however, they know that there are millions of people on the site.  And with that knowledge comes the realization that they have a safety net if things do not work out in “real life.”

Before the Internet, there was no such safety net.  Being alone was a legitimate fear.  Once you’d seemingly exhausted all the possibilities in your town/city, where else would you go to find an potential mate?

But that’s the dilemma with the Internet – it provides more avenues to meet people so that you will not be alone, but there are too many options which cause people to be alone.  The Internet is here to stay.  Staying away from online dating sites likely won’t help because you cannot forget that they exist.

I do not have an answer, but if I had to suggest something, I would say to stop looking for perfection.  No one is perfect and if you are willing to toss someone away for one flaw, you’ll be maneuvering through the dating pool for life.

Source: New Yorker