They say “Boys will be boys.” This statement presupposes that ways of man cannot change. Of course, men can change if we are forced to. Ever watched “Mad Men” and thought “Wow, things have really changed since the 1960s!” Well, you can thank the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and nearly 50 years of accompanying jurisprudence for that.

The problem is, however, government only has limited jurisdiction to control the acts of individuals. There are laws against making sexist comments in the workplace, but there is no law against cat calling on the street.

And there is certainly no law prohibiting married men from sexting via SMS or on social-networking sites (unless it’s a government issued phone like former-Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick). In fact, the law is moving in the opposite direction–states are decriminalizing adultery (which is the proper course of action).

Public opinion does not seem to regulate behavior either. There are countless elected officials who have been reelected notwithstanding a sex scandal. Or if he leaves public office, he can always get a show on CNN like Eliot Spitzer.

So that’s the dilemma society is faced with: we have to find a way to change men in areas where they cannot be forced to change.

Because there is essentially nothing to force men into fidelity, men must independently do our part to fight temptation, especially in the digital age. It was relatively difficult to receive a message from your mistress by “snail mail.” Now we can send and receive private messages from an assortment of devices in real-time.

The biggest externality of instantaneous communication is the lack of forethought that goes into a text or tweet. We process information very quickly and have all sent messages without thinking (After all, Twitter is basically an external hard drive for our brains).

Accordingly, it does not surprise me when smart people do extremely stupid things. Fidelity is not about intellect, it is about discipline. Today’s committed man is one who takes steps to remain committed. It is not possible to be a passive monogamist anymore. Men, even those who are not on social-networking sites, are faced with online perils every day.

I fear that we are just seeing the beginning of Adultery 2.0 because the ways of man are not keeping up with the changes in society. As the world becomes more ripe for trouble, men have to resort to more “drastic” measures to prevent oneself from getting in trouble. I placed drastic in quotations because the methods for fighting temptation are not that drastic at all.

Out of all the ways to stay out of trouble, I believe staying away from private communication is the easiest and most effective. That’s part of the reason why I like Twitter so much; if you send a message to someone, ALL of your followers will see it. Although you can send a private direct messages (like Rep. Weiner tried to do), you are still limited to 140 characters.

I am a firm believer that every message that could be written on someone’s Facebook wall or as a public tweet should be. There’s no reason why a guy in a relationship should send “so how was your day?” as a private message or a DM. Further, context is significantly more important in written language. The reader’s impression (i.e. that of the significant other) and not the senders intention is what matters. Moreover, while men may not necessarily make smart decisions in a public forum, we are more likely to consider the consequences of our actions than when acting clandestinely.

Many people challenge my public-communication solution by invoking “privacy” concerns, but to that I say 1) our notions of “privacy” largely began with the cell phone (remember the days of worrying about mom picking up the phone while you were sweet talking?) and 2) the vast majority of “private” conversations we have are not private at all. If something were truly private, you probably would not send it in a text message because you would not know if the intended recipient received it. I also cannot think of any seriously private message that I have received on a social-networking site.

My approach may be “drastic,” but I cannot think of another practical way to change the ways of man. While I realize that I cannot stop all men from cheating, I can at least help people think before sending lewd Twitpics to all their followers

There’s nothing wrong with cheating and realizing the error of your mistake. There is something wrong with a person who’s cheated in their own relationship and yet attempts to be the voice of monogamy.

I’ve never cheated on my fiancé. And I never will. If I ever cheated on her, the Manogamy Movement would be shut down immediately because it would be a lie. I believe that it’s possible for men to be in a lifelong, 100% committed relationship. Not 99%. Not a relationship in which you cheat and promptly disclose that information.

I realize that I’m taking a bold stance. I would like to have more people blog on the site, but it’s hard because I can’t be faithful for someone else. Moreover, people act differently behind closed doors.

That’s my challenge, bringing together men who will advocate for monogamy AND who are 100% committed. I know we’re out there and I’m going to make sure we get a voice (and stop letting the guy from Salon purport to represent us).

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that people make mistakes. I don’t think that you should give everyone a second though.

And that’s exactly what CNN is doing with Spitzer. He made $179,000 as governor. CNN is likely paying him more than that. Spitzer is a Harvard Law graduate. What are his qualifications to host a show? I have plenty of friends with journalism degrees dying to get a break.

So what lesson can be drawn from all this? Embarrass your family and your state with an embarrassing scandal and you get a show? It’s kinda like all these women thy write books about all the men they sleep with. What message does that send to our daughters?

I call it the Kanye West principle. We all know Kanye is crazy. We knew this before the Taylor Swift incident (remember the Bush comment?). But guess what? ONE YEAR after embarrassing Swift, he headlines the EXACT SAME show. On top of that, he performs a song with the lyrics, “Let’s have a toast for the dochebags/ Let’s have a toast for the assholes”. And I’m sure his new album will go platinum.

Kanye knows this already. And I’m pretty sure Spitzer figured out he’d be set too. I’m not the type of person that sits with my arms folded when I don’t like something. I won’t purchase West’s new album or go to his concerts. And I won’t support Spitzer’s show either. The only way to make people think before they act is to show them that they actually have something to lose.

I thought suing your husband’s mistress was ridiculous, but this takes the cake.  Here’s the story: A Toronto woman (man those Canadians love to cheat) and mother of two was having an affair.  Her husband eventually found out about it when he noticed a bunch of long-distance calls to their residence.  He then left her.  And now she wants to sue the cell phone company for $600,000. Smh.

The woman alleges that Roger’s Wireless improperly terminated her phone bill under her maiden name and combined it with her family account.  The defense is that the woman was behind in her payments, so they canceled the defunct account and added it to one in which they were making payments.  The company also left a voicemail instructed them that they were going to terminate her personal account.  Also the company put all of the family accounts together once the husband decided to add more services to the account (phone, TV, Internet).

According to the article:

Nagy is deeply embarrassed and ashamed about what happened. “It was a mistake,” she said of the affair. “But I didn’t deserve to lose my life over it.”

After her husband left her and their two children, ages 6 and 7, she was so distraught her work performance suffered and she lost her job as an apartment rental agent that had paid her almost $100,000 until she was let go in Oct. 10, 2007. “The plaintiff wept uncontrollably at her workplace . . . and became incapable of performing her employment duties,” reads the statement of claim. Nagy says the employer was aware of the situation and that she was receiving medical attention.

Let’s get this straight.  YOU decide to sleep around on your husband.  YOU decide not to pay the account in your name.  And now YOU want to sue because your husband found out about it.  You’ve got some nerve.  You don’t deserve to have your life ruined because of this? Why not? Being an adult is about accepting responsibility.  It’s called liability.  If you are bold enough to cheat, you need to face up to the consequences.  If you want to blame someone, then look in the mirror.  $600K is not going to get your life back.

Source: Toronto Star

Meet Zac Goldsmith, age 35.  He was recently elected to parliament.   He’s also the son of a billionaire. And he’s an adulterer.  And his wife filed for divorce.  You know what that means.  Yeah the Manogamy Movement’s favorite letter: L (liability).  Like my mother, the philosopher, says, “You lay, you pay.”  She’s usually talking about getting someone pregnant before marriage, but the phrase certainly applies to people that have affairs.  Some people speculate that Goldsmith will have to fork out 150M pounds.  Mrs. Goldsmith may not get this much, but she’s going to be broken off nonetheless.

Zac got married nearly 11 years ago when he was 24.  He obviously wasn’t ready for marriage.  Goldsmith’s alleged flame was with Alice Rothschild, a 26-year-old “banking dynasty heiress.”  The crappy thing is that Alice’s sister Kate is married to Goldsmith’s brother Ben.  This means that she’s his sister-in-law.  Sucks to be you buddy, especially around the holidays (how awkward).

Source: Telegraph

I fooled around throughout my marriage because I could. I justified it by telling myself the women knew what they were doing, and I never made any false promises about leaving my wife. She suspected a couple of times, but always gave me the benefit of the doubt.

My last affair ended publicly with every gory detail exposed. My family, work, reputation — everything that mattered to me — have been destroyed. I can’t talk about any of it to a therapist because I am so ashamed. Friends, family and co-workers now shun me. I have hit rock bottom.

“Shattered” instructed Dear Abby to “print this as a warning to other men like me that when they hit bottom — as will surely happen — there’s nowhere to turn.”

Here is Dear Abby’s response:

There is life after divorce. And, as many celebrities can attest, there is also life after public embarrassment and career setbacks. So straighten your backbone and keep marching forward. While it may not seem like it right now, there are better days ahead.

I think she handled it well.  I would just add that you can’t run away from your problems.  Suicide is not going to make your family come back.  It’s only going to make them hurt more than they already do.  Being a man is about being liable for your actions.  You knew that this could have likely occurred and willingly took the risk in the midst of the consequences.  Would you have felt remorseful if you hadn’t gotten caught.  Being a risk-taker is about handling the good AND the bad.  You have to deal with this situation.  The first thing you have to do is think about the red flags from your marriage so that you won’t repeat the mistake.  What caused you to cheat in the first place?  Wrong woman? Wrong time?  I’ve lost out on a great relationship because of a mistake that I made in the past.  But your mistake will be in vain if you don’t use that experience to grow as a person.

Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgwick

Michael J. Fox & Tracy Pollan

David Arquette & Courtney Cox

Source: Staying Loyal

Lord knows Halle Berry is has had her trouble with men.  Her first husband David Justice allegedly beat her and her second husband Eric Benet cheated on her.  Now she and her partner/father of her child Gabriel Aubry have split after a four year relationship.

Apparently there were two causes of the divorce – their 9-year age difference (she’s 43 and he’s 34) and his “wandering eye.”  According to the source:

The source adds that Gabriel’s wandering eye was also a factor in the split: “… he would never cheat on her, but I suspect that he had become attracted to someone and that he felt he needed to break it off with Halle before anything developed any further.”

I think Gabriel did the right thing here.  Many men have these feelings and think that they are normal, but in fact they are not.  It is okay to find other people attractive, but it is not okay to lust after someone to the point where you may make a mistake later on.  I MUCH rather him realize this beforehand, than to make a mistake and try to clean up things on the back end.  It’s not easy to break things off before you even cheat, but that’s a sign of true maturity.

I know that they have a child together, but they are not married.  Moreover, emotional affairs can be just as bad as physical ones.  If Halle truly were the apple of his eye, he wouldn’t be tempted like that.  And while 99% of men can’t understand why he would do this to her, I’ve been in a similar situation before and can attest that he did the right thing.

Source: Fox News