Nov 172010

Yesterday’s biggest news was Eva Longoria Parker and her husband Tony’s alleged divorce.  It is now official (CNN 1).  Even though it seems like forever, they’ve only been married for three years.  Apparently he cheated on her.  Here are a few things that I’ve gathered that are of interest.

1. Tony Parker was 25 when he got married.  I’m 26 and I’m just now at the point where I’m 100% ready for marriage.  It’s doubtful that a 25 year old professional athlete (from France) would be ready for a lifetime of commitment.

2. Longoria claims here that they were together for 7 years (CNN2).  If you do the math, that’s 2003.  The problem is, her marraige to her first husband lasted from 2002-2004.  Does this mean she cheated on her first husband with Tony?  If so, she really can’t complain when the same thing happened to her.  Note, by the way, that Parker was 21 and she was 28.  Again, red flags all around here.

3. According to the CNN article above

[S]he found “hundreds of text messages” from a woman on Parker’s phone, and that this woman was revealed to be the wife of one of Parker’s teammates. 

The “Desperate Housewives” star will also talk about Parker’s infidelity early on in their marriage with another woman, one he kept in touch with via Facebook.

Third strike. Early on? How early could this have been? They’ve only been married three years!

Why do people presume that if a man cheats he won’t do it again.  Is it possible? Yes.  But, if anything, there should be a presumption that he will do it again.  People that mess up need to feel some consequence for their actions.  Why do you think people rob banks until they get caught?  It’s the same old story, just as Jenny Sanford what happened when she forgave Mark for having an affair.  That’s why I don’t believe in second chances (and nor should you).

As a man, I can tell you that many (dare I say most) expect for woman to forgive our indiscretions.  If women really want a man to be committed, they need to let them know early on that they will not tolerate cheating.  And if it happens, send a message by walking out the door.

Evan and Tony don’t have any kids together and they are both young, successful, and attractive.  There’s no reason why she should have stayed this long in the first place.

May 172010

I thought suing your husband’s mistress was ridiculous, but this takes the cake.  Here’s the story: A Toronto woman (man those Canadians love to cheat) and mother of two was having an affair.  Her husband eventually found out about it when he noticed a bunch of long-distance calls to their residence.  He then left her.  And now she wants to sue the cell phone company for $600,000. Smh.

The woman alleges that Roger’s Wireless improperly terminated her phone bill under her maiden name and combined it with her family account.  The defense is that the woman was behind in her payments, so they canceled the defunct account and added it to one in which they were making payments.  The company also left a voicemail instructed them that they were going to terminate her personal account.  Also the company put all of the family accounts together once the husband decided to add more services to the account (phone, TV, Internet).

According to the article:

Nagy is deeply embarrassed and ashamed about what happened. “It was a mistake,” she said of the affair. “But I didn’t deserve to lose my life over it.”

After her husband left her and their two children, ages 6 and 7, she was so distraught her work performance suffered and she lost her job as an apartment rental agent that had paid her almost $100,000 until she was let go in Oct. 10, 2007. “The plaintiff wept uncontrollably at her workplace . . . and became incapable of performing her employment duties,” reads the statement of claim. Nagy says the employer was aware of the situation and that she was receiving medical attention.

Let’s get this straight.  YOU decide to sleep around on your husband.  YOU decide not to pay the account in your name.  And now YOU want to sue because your husband found out about it.  You’ve got some nerve.  You don’t deserve to have your life ruined because of this? Why not? Being an adult is about accepting responsibility.  It’s called liability.  If you are bold enough to cheat, you need to face up to the consequences.  If you want to blame someone, then look in the mirror.  $600K is not going to get your life back.

Source: Toronto Star

May 172010

Abudallah Kazibwe was rushed to a hospital in the Nebbi District in Uganda after Habib (last name?) found him in bed with his live-in girlfriend Irene (last name?). Abdullah and Irene used to date and Abdullah, a truck driver, just wanted to stop by and see her while he was in the area.  Apparently the flame was rekindled and they ended up having sex. Somehow Habib heard about it, stormed in, and caught them in the act.  Habib cut off Abdullah’s testicles with a kitchen knife.

We don’t know whether Irene conveyed to Abdullah that she was in a new relationship.  If she did, then I guess we can’t feel too sorry for him.  And if he didn’t know, then this is quite a tragedy.

We read cases like this all of the time in criminal law during my first year in law school.  Since Habib acted out of passion, he’d get a lesser sentence.  I can understand him being mad, but I’ve never been the type to get mad if my significant other decides to cheat on me.  In fact, men should expect that other men will try to sleep with their woman (I actually wouldn’t want to date someone that no one else would want).  But that’s why you date someone that is trustworthy.  Habib’s anger, instead, should have been placed toward the person that has a duty to him – Irene.

Source: New Vision (Uganda)

May 052010

Another day, another mistress writes a book about her love affair with a famous person.  Not much to this story here.  Former actress Carole Mallory discusses her relationship with Norman Mailer in her new book “Loving Mailer.”  Mallory also thinks that being the “other woman” gets a bad wrap.  She says

You have to understand with these famous men, they go after women, yet the press likes to make it appear that the women went after him

I completely agree that the person in a relationship (in most cases, it’s the man) is to blame.  But then she goes a little too far with her disdain for

how they [Tiger’s mistresses] have been portrayed as oversexed sirens who lured the married sports idol onto the rocks of deceit

How exactly has the media treated Tiger’s mistresses like “oversexed” anything?  Were there any doctors or lawyers in the mix?  These weren’t exactly women you want to bring home to mom.  While no woman can make you cheat, knowingly sleeping with a married individual makes you trashy any way you cut it.

Source: NY Times

Apr 112010
Up In the Air

Up In the Air

I rented “Up in the Air” staring George Clooney this past weekend.  I’m a Clooney fan and this movie did not disappoint.  The story is basically about a man whose job is to fire people.  This job causes him to travel nearly 300 days out of the year.  This is okay for him though because he likes being alone.  He eventually meets a woman on this travels that likes the fast-paced life as much as he does and he becomes quite fond of her.  He’s never been married before and has no plans to settle down.  However, he eventually starts to fall in love with this woman, Vera Farmiga.  The only problem is that he shows up unexpected at her door, he discovers that she’s actually married with kids.

So what did I gather from this movie? 1) Life happens short and you can’t play around forever.  Most women aren’t willing to wait around for guys that want to live an extended bachelor lifestyle.  2) Women can be sneaky.  3) Honesty is the most important part in a relationship.  People inevitably get hurt when fail to delineate rules and leave things “up in the air.” Get it?

Apr 082010

At what point is a marriage just not a marriage? A recent The Star (Toronto) talks about the huge increase in female infidelity, especially on marital dating sites such as Ashley Trashy Madison.

I can’t help but read these stories and just shake my head (for those that don’t know what SMH stands for). All of these women have been married for less than the 7 Year Itch and have used the site to commit affairs.

The story focuses on a woman named Susan that started using the site at the age of 25. She’s now 27 and has used the site to foster four affairs.  This crazy woman says that it has improved her marriage.

“I come home smiling after and I’m just fulfilled, which kind of cuts up my resentment toward my husband, because I just feel better — physically, emotionally, everything.”

When will people realize there’s something wrong if you have to sleep around just to “stay with that person.”  The article says that many people treat marriage like a job, they say in it until they have something already lined up.  And that’s part of the site’s success.  But if you are TRULY happy, you would leave the relationships immediately.  That’s the problem; people would rather be unhappy with someone else than alone.  That’s extremely selfish, but unfortunately that mentality seems to be on the rise.

Source:  The Star (Toronto)

Apr 052010

Today an article appeared in the Chicago Tribune of a husband that found out his wife was cheating.  He got upset, started drinking again and smashed his wife’s windshield with a sledgehammer.  It’s pretty safe to say that that’s not how you handle the situation, but is there a proper way?

Random: Who has a sledgehammer just laying around?

Source: Chicago Tribune

Mar 252010

I just finished reading an article about a Trashy Madison member that signed up after being married less than 2 years.  If a relationship comes crashing down that fast, you OBVIOUSLY weren’t compatible in the first place.  The woman talks about how she didn’t know her her husband was going to be so busy even though they dated for two years and moved in together.  So you thought he was just going to stop being a professional?  That’s something you should think about before you decide to elope.

She says numerous things which clearly indicates that she has no idea what being in a relationship is about. Let’s see here…

I actually don’t know if I would care that much if my husband cheated on me. He travels so much for work anyway, I don’t think I would care if he had sex. I would care if he cuddled in bed with someone afterward, but this is my thing: I think it’s not natural to be attracted to someone for such a long time. I think you can be with someone emotionally for your whole life, but I’m not so sure about sexually.

1. Don’t get into a relationship if don’t even care if the other person is faithful.

2. Don’t get into a relationship if you don’t expect to be attracted to that person forever.

I’ve had boyfriends before, and if it wasn’t working, I would just end it. But I also have plenty of girlfriends who would never break up with somebody unless they had someone else waiting in the wings. So, at first, that’s what I thought this site was.

3. How do you expect to be faithful during marriage when you can’t even be faithful before marriage.

4. If you’re not happy, you need to leave the relationship.  Don’t just sit around until something better comes along.  That’s selfish.  If you’re unhappy, be a big girl and take a leap of faith.

I didn’t want to be with anyone with children, where I might be part of tearing up a family. That was a personal choice for me, and where I drew the line.

5. Don’t get married if you think that sleeping with a married man is not as bad as sleeping with a married man with kids.

I only told a couple of people about him, or the fact that I was active on Ashley Madison at all. My mom knows. I tell her everything. She’s not totally thrilled, but she’s very non-judgmental. More than anything, she doesn’t like the idea that my husband could get hurt, or that anyone’s cheating on anyone. She considers it an affair even if it’s just an emotional one.

6. You’re mother is right, it is an affair even if it is just emotional.

7. Generally mom knows best, but if you’ve got a mom that wouldn’t chew you out for cheating, you probably shouldn’t take her advice.

“Be careful,” she told me. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” But she’s done plenty of stupid things, and I’ve stood by her through them all. Her only advice: Maybe you should talk to your husband.

8. Don’t take advice from a mother that has “done plenty of stupid things.”

But he’s not the kind of guy who would go to couples counseling and decide to try to work things out. He’d probably tell me he wanted a divorce. I know he would consider it cheating, even though I haven’t done anything yet.

9. There’s nothing to go to counseling for.  A marriage of less than 2 years is not worth fighting for…

10. When the other person cheats.  You actually have done something. Even your mom knows that.

I really don’t like to talk bad about people, but this woman is completely clueless about what relationships are about.

Source: Lemon Drop

Mar 162010

According to Maryland Law it is adultery; a misdemeanor punishable by a $10 fine.  The article says former Raven’s player Michael McCrary’s wife dating other people while they were separated.  Let’s assume that there was sex involved, should it be considered cheating?

I believe this is one of those things that the legislature should revisit.  Adultery is about someone breaking the rules (parties agree to do one thing and the person does another).  From my understanding, dating other people is explicitly (if not implicitly) a part of the separation period.  Should people be punished when this is exactly when they know what the other person is doing.  The same would apply to “swingers” and polyamory.  Although I disagree with this lifestyle, I don’t believe people should be punished for it.

Source: Baltimore Sun (this was just a SMALL part of the article though)

Mar 132010

A 25-year-old Luwingu (Zambia) man took hot firewood and inserted it into his wife’s private parts after he caught her having sex with another man.

That’s it for the story, but there’s one other point worth mentioning

And Zambia Health Education and Communications Trust (ZHECT) Director Chilufya Mwaba-Phiri has attributed the rising cases of adultery in marriages to the Zambian culture which does not prepare married couples to discuss sexual issues with their partners.

Hmmm. Sounds very familiar….

Source: Post Zambia