CNN has really been making a big push for the new Eliot Spitzer show. My question is why should the former governor of New York get a show after getting caught up in a call girl scandal.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that people make mistakes. I don’t think that you should give everyone a second though.

And that’s exactly what CNN is doing with Spitzer. He made $179,000 as governor. CNN is likely paying him more than that. Spitzer is a Harvard Law graduate. What are his qualifications to host a show? I have plenty of friends with journalism degrees dying to get a break.

So what lesson can be drawn from all this? Embarrass your family and your state with an embarrassing scandal and you get a show? It’s kinda like all these women thy write books about all the men they sleep with. What message does that send to our daughters?

I call it the Kanye West principle. We all know Kanye is crazy. We knew this before the Taylor Swift incident (remember the Bush comment?). But guess what? ONE YEAR after embarrassing Swift, he headlines the EXACT SAME show. On top of that, he performs a song with the lyrics, “Let’s have a toast for the dochebags/ Let’s have a toast for the assholes”. And I’m sure his new album will go platinum.

Kanye knows this already. And I’m pretty sure Spitzer figured out he’d be set too. I’m not the type of person that sits with my arms folded when I don’t like something. I won’t purchase West’s new album or go to his concerts. And I won’t support Spitzer’s show either. The only way to make people think before they act is to show them that they actually have something to lose.

I hear bloggers and dating coaches provide guys with advice on how to date a smoking hot woman all the time. I never, however, hear anyone mention the downsides of dating a hot woman. And trust me, there are plenty. In fact, I know guys that wouldn’t date a hot woman due to the downsides. Maybe you wouldn’t either. Listen up.

1. There’ll always be guys staring at/hitting on her.

Doesn’t matter. Grocery store, gym, work, mall. As long as she is hot, guys will flock. Remember the way you looked at her when you first saw her? Well that’s how nearly every other guy sees her too. Some guys just stare. Others will make cat calls. Others will approach her, including extremely wealthy men.

2. There’s nothing you can do about it

Guys will still stare and even make cat calls when you are with her. Occasionally a guy will be bold enough to approach her with you there. You may get a little upset that allege guys in the mall are looking at her, but what are you going to do? Fight every guy in the mall? Eventually you just learn to deal with it.

3. You’ve got to deal with her guy friends that like her

Nearly every guy has liked a woman, but was cast into the hellhole we call the “friend zone.” Well guess what, you’ve successfully evaded the friend zone, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other guys there. Every hot woman has a guy friend, usually very close, that wishes he was you. It is utterly useless to tell a woman that she should stop being friends with a guy that she’s known forever now that she’s taken.

4. Exes won’t go away

The point of the Ladder Theory, which I strongly support, is to move up in your relationships. You can’t go from dating a 10 to an 8.5. You’ll be miserable. The ONLY way for a man to be happy is to date up or at least remain at the same level. Otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to vindicate yourself. Your significant other has exes, sometimes going back to high school, that will periodically send her text messages even though she never responds (people tend to keep their cell numbers)

5. Technology makes it easier to harass

This new personalize communication (cell phones, social networks, email) has only opened the lines of communication for people trying to get (back) in the game. In the past, you could only communicate with a woman by writing her a letter or calling her landline. Guys wouldn’t be bold enough to flirt when her husband could just pick up at anytime.

Now guys think it’s cute to poke or send private messages on Facebook. There are 500 million people on Facebook. It doesn’t take much for someone to stumble across your significant other’s profile and try to start up a convo. It’s gets really annoying when you see your girlfriend has over 100 friend requests from people she doesn’t know.

There’s a difference between #1 & #5. The former only applies to people that ACTUALLY see her whereas the latter can apply whether someone has seen her or not. Also guys are less likely to approach in person out of fear of rejection. Even if they do, they won’t get the digits. On social networks, however, you can make direct contact without speaking face to face.

Now that you have both sides, you may want to reconsider if this is what you really want.

Pics of guys staring

One of my law school friends wrote a blog post today challenging the notion that men aren’t into intelligent women.  In fact, she argued that men are into intelligent women.  I agree wholeheartly with her.

The woman pictured above is Chantal Raymond.  She is Miss Jamaica World 2010.  Oh yeah, she’s a Harvard Law graduate. 

For some strange reason, I don’t think that last piece of information tarnished your perception of her.  If anything, it only makes her more appealing.

You see, first and foremost men are looking for a hot wife/girlfriend.  When we look at a woman walking down the street, we don’t know anything about her.  All we see is her appearance – that’s the floor from which a woman can’t fall below.  Anything else that she has to offer is a plus.

People mistakenly think that women can have a negative strike against them.  That’s a load of crap.  I am a firm believer that every man wants to marry a woman that is a supermodel (a.k.a. hot) with a Ph.D. (intelligent) that’s a virgin (wholesome) (in that order).

You wonder why men marry hot women that are bimbos or golddiggers?  Because they are still hot women at a minimum.  No one seems to care what Kobe’s wife did before she met him.  You can say what you want her, but I’m willing to bet that 95% of men would be fine dating a golddigger that looks like Vanessa.  And you can talk all the trash you want about Karrine Stefans, a.k.a. Superhead, but again, most guys could only dream of dating someone like her (although I don’t think she’s all that).

But in the end, what men, especially intelligent men, want is powerful, intelligent woman.  According to Dr. Chris Blazina, author of The Secret Lives of Men:

This generation of men has grown up seeing women in positions of power — female doctors, lawyers, even presidential candidates — so they’re not put off by a driven, confident woman. In fact, they’re turned on by those qualities

Why you may ask? According to Dr. David Wexler, it keeps men on their toes because they have someone to disagree with.  Wexler believes that men get bored when they’re with a woman that doesn’t challenge them. 

Intelligent women are here to stay.  Last year marked the first time that more women received Ph.Ds than men.  To this day, hot women tend to gravitate toward modeling and the media.  However, as woman continue to make strides in education and professionalism, there’ll be a larger selection of hot women in a wider array of graduate programs.

I’ve been in law school and I saw how guys fought over the few hot girls there.  If a guy decided to date an undergrad, as I did, it was because she was hot, not because we wanted to date someone that wasn’t pursuing an advanced degree.

There will come a day, when you’ll run into a hot woman that happens to be a doctor or a lawyer.  If you turn her down, it only indicates that you’re not that attracted to her in the first place because if you were, you’d get over it…and quickly.

Source: Cosmo, Above the Law. Washington Post

There are some things that you shouldn’t have to pay for, such as sex (at least directly). Dating advice happens to be another one of those things. Note that I’m not talking about relationship advice because there are some serious, sensitive issues that should be left to experts (ie how do deal with impotency). I’m talking about dating “experts” like in the movie Hitch.

Paying for dating advice is dumb for a couple of reasons. 1) You can get the info from a friend, family member, or coworker for free (or someone on the Internet) 2) They’re just going to tell you something based on their personal experience (even Dr. Phil is divorced) 3) You already know the answers.

All men of dating age know what women are looking for: men that are attractive, confident, and won’t smother them. A relationship coach is only going to tell you to work on one of these three areas.

Attractive: You cant help your looks, but you can at least go to the gym.

Confidence: I don’t think you can teach confidence. You don’t have Alex Hitchens there with you to tell you what to do. Confidence only comes from an improved self imagine. This means you need to get more muscles, more degrees, more power, or more money.

Smothering: Nothing makes you man up more than having a chance with a woman and slipping into the “friend zone.” We’ve all been there. Learn from your mistakes and don’t be such a wuss next time.

So there’s the basics on the law of attraction. Don’t believe me? Just talk to your friends about what women want. Just don’t waste your time and money talking to a dating “expert.”

We’ve all heard the story before: Woman is discriminated against for being too hot. What starts out as a case of compassion, ends up as a license to eye hump some formerly unknown Latina. That’s the story behind Debrahlee Lorenzana and Inés Sainz.

The story of Sainz was supposed to be about a NY Jets reporter that had some footballs thrown at her during practice. If she wasn’t attractive, the article would not have gained national attention. The real story soon became her butt. Similarly, the chase was on after Lorenzana alleges that she was fired from Citibank for being too hot (although she got breast implants to look like a Playmate).

In the case of Lorenzana, looking up pics were at least related to her claim that she’s hot, but how do you explain Sainz?  When I first heard about Sainz on ESPN, all they showed was a side headshot of her.  It never crossed my mind to search for more pictures of her because that wasn’t what the story was about.

We normalize eye humping (and otherwise sketchy behavior), but should we? I don’t want my girlfriend looking at pics of guys all day and she wouldn’t want me checking out other women. And yet that’s precisely what we do on Facebook or when a story like Sainz comes along.

I know most guys won’t agree with me, but I felt like a pervert when I looked at the Buzzfeed article with 10 different shots of Sainz’ butt.

I don’t live vicariously through other people. I have a smoking hot girlfriend; I don’t need to eye hump some female that I’ll never meet or go to a strip club (unless I’m forced to go for a bachelor party)

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with finding other women attractive. There is a problem when you are wishing your significant other looked like her. Absolutely NOTHING good comes out of you comparing your significant other to another woman.

I believe that it all comes down to equality in a relationship. So the next time a viral eye-humping opportunity arises, put yourself in your significant other’s shoes.

If you’ve ever ran a stop sign, you either did it for one of two reasons: you didn’t care or you didn’t see it. Relationships are the same way. A relationship is a journey and we encounter stop signs along the way. Sometimes we stop and take notice of what’s going on. Other times we just run straight through them.

I can’t help anyone that deliberately runs through a sign. I can, however, provide advice if you are running through stop signs without even knowing it.

1. You realize you’re not over your ex. It’s called moving on for a reason. Once you get into a relationship, you should have NO DESIRE to be with an ex. But what do you do if you realize that you want to get back with that person in the middle of the relationship? I can’t answer that question, but it’s definitely a sign you don’t need to ignore.

2. You lack self control. Commitment takes discipline. Commitment starts with the mind. Lots of people think that if you haven’t had sex with another person, there’s nothing wrong. The truth is, there’s a problem if you are sexting, poking on Facebook, and picking up numbers at bars. If your significant other doesn’t have all of your attention, you may want think twice before saying “I do.”

3. You’re settling. This one is a biggie; no one will ever admit that they are settling. Here’s evidence that you are settling.

A. You’ve dated someone more attractive than your significant other. Life is about progression; you can’t go from dating a 10 down to an 8.

B. You’re in a relationship out of necessity. I read an article from David Wygant yesterday on the dangers of getting married because all of your friends are getting married. You need to make sure that you find the person that you want and not the person that happens to be in your life when you’re 30.

C. You constantly compare your significant other to other woman. You shouldn’t have to constantly ask yourself why doesn’t your significant other look like Kim Kardashian or have a graduate degree. If it’s important that you date someone that looks like Kim K, then go for it! Just know that you may never reach that goal though. But don’t sit there wishing your significant other was her (ie guys that pay to have their significant others look like celebrities).

4. You’re lazy. Men stay on their toes when they are really into a woman. We cook when we know we don’t know how to, we come up with innovate gifts and surprises, and we love showing you off to family and friends. Once you stop doing the little things to show affection, you may need to check to see if you’re really happy.

Barnes (L) and Thompson (Right)

We all know that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession.  I”m sure that stripping isn’t that far behind it.  We also know that call girls and strippers make really good money.

What’s new, however, is the mass appeal of being a hoe.  Karrine Steffans, also known as Superhead, has written three books, one of which is a New York Times Bestseller.  Some of the biggest celebrities today got their start from ”accidentally” releasing sextapes, such as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.  The promise of fame and fortune from being a hoe even led to Laurence Fishbourne’s daughter to pornography (she said she was inspired by Kim K).  Moreover, every VH1 dating show casts women as money hungry bimbos that will do anything for 15 minutes of fame.

I guess this phenomenon really hit me when I read the story behind UK soccer player Wayne Rooney’s affair with Miss Jennifer Thompson.  Thompson and her best friend Amy Leigh Barnes went to Catholic school together, but decided early on that they wanted to be famous by sleeping with professional athletes.  Barnes eventually started dating soccer coach Ricardo Morrison after the two met on Facebook.  Morrison became violent once Barnes tried to leave her and he was eventually convicted of killing her.  Thompson is a 1,200 pound/night call girl.  She began receiving money for sex from professional soccer players while she was in high school.

One often wanders how stories like this happen.  But if you think about it, it’s not that hard to imagine.  There are very few aspiring role models for young women in the media.  There are media personalities (Tyra/Ellen), political figures (Michelle Obamas/Sarah Palin), but that’s about it.  BET gives out shows to rappers’ baby mamas.  VH1 gives out shows to women that are comfortable with three-way kisses.  And if you’ve slept with enough celebrities, you’ll have people knocking down on your door to write a book.  So what do we tell our daughters?  You can make go to school until you’re in your late 20s to be a doctor or you can get a 10-year head start and be a call girl?

Few people realize that the fast lifestyle is just that…fast.  One weeks hot women is the next week’s old news.  Women make much money money as doctors in lawyers in their 30s and beyond than video vixens, strippers, and prostitutes.

Just look at the relative popularity of Kim Kardashian (blue) and Paris Hilton (orange)

Kim v. Paris

This chart displays a couple of things.  First, it shows how short-lived Paris’s reign as heiress really was.  Second, it conveys that even though the Kardashians are seemingly ubiquituous, Kim K doesn’t even come close to where Paris Hilton was a few years ago.  The problem is that despite the fact that Kim K isn’t as big of a deal as she appears to be, she is still way more popular than the First Lady (orange).

Kim v. First Lady

 So if we don’t want our daughters to want to be Kim K, what needs to happen?  I think it’s relatively simple, don’t make being a hoe seem so profitable.  If you’re a man, you can stop employing the services of a hooker.  If you’re a woman, you can stop picking up those supermarket magazines with Kim K on the cover every week.  Everyone can stop watching their show(s).  Most importantly, you can be a living example of how to lady (as a man) or how to be a lady (as a woman).

Source: Daily Mail (UK)

The Answer to Our Problems

You all know that I am extremely skeptical about “science” in the area of commitment and fidelity because I believe that it is a social construct. Nevertheless, people continue to come up with ridiculous theories on why people cheat.

I’m a firm believer that if you are going to study why people don’t cheat, you should exam people that don’t cheat. This study got it only 1/2 right.

An Oklahoma State University research has been given $349,175 to study the pair bonds of the prairie vole – one of the few monogamous mammals. According to the article

[Dr. Alex] Ophir plans a series of studies to examine how hormones in the brain regulate social affiliation, parental care, territorial behavior, and memory.

“For instance, we will specifically investigate the control of a particular hormone, vasopressin, in brain areas known to influence pairbonding, and ask how the brain functions to maintain monogamous bonds, and promote child care from fathers. We will also ask what influence paternal care has on offspring brain and behavior development,” said Ophir.

Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think that a rodent can help explain why humans cheat. Rodents don’t have Internet websites that cater to cheating (nor do they have Facebook). Rodents don’t have mores (to my knowledge) that influence the decision to cheat or not.

I’m not the biggest fan of quoting comments of people on the Internet, but I think I’ll make an exception here. Here’s the sole comment in response to the article.

Excuse me, but a vole isn’t a human and to fund such research instead of funding research that involves human health and development, while claiming that is what you are trying to fund seems that someone had to dump a bunch of money and had no better ideas.

We have millions of people that are suffering from disorders that need funding and they are looking into voles and “pair bonding.” How about we take that money and fund why Johnny is not learning like the rest of his class or the reasons why people spend their hard earned money on idiotic studies instead of helping those that need help very badly

Source: NewsOn6

The great thing about Google Reader is that it’s extremely easy to search old articles from your feed.  I found this article while searching Psychology Today articles with the word “polyamory” mentioned.  I really just want to copy and paste the entire article because it’s on point, but out of respect, I’m only going to direct you to the source.  Enjoy.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the definitions of monogamy and fidelity.  In a recent Psychology Today article, Dr. David Ley poses the question, “What is fidelity, anyway?”  The article questions why we choose to define monogamy the way we do.  Ley begins the article with a discussion of  author Helen Fisher who believes that monogamy only states a marriage to one person.  She thinks that the requirement of fidelity is something that is not technically required.  Ley also notes that the French have lower rates of infidelity because they define it differently.

I don’t think any of this makes sense.  Let’s start with the definition monogamy.  Dictionary.com has three definitions 1) Marriage to one person at a time 2) The practice of only having one mate and 3) The practice of marrying only once during life.

Fisher and I both likely think that the third definition can be ruled out.  It’s absurd to say that you can’t be monogamous if got remarried after your first husband beat you or cheated on you.  Monogamy is about commitment to that individual.

Now let’s look at the first definition, which would be Fisher’s definition.  This definition is wrong for a couple of reasons.  First, taken literally, monogamy does not require marriage.  You can be in a monogamous dating relationship.  Also remember that homosexuals cannot get married in the vast majority of states.  Nevertheless, they can be in monogamous relationships too.  In fact, if you look at the definition from Psychology Today, you’d see that it has nothing to do with a white gown and rings:

Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce

Obviously going to the courthouse will make your relationships “official,” but what about an unmarried couple that purchases a home together?  I’d argue that being locked into a 30-year marriage is official.  Let’s not forget that a few states still recognize common law marriages too.

HOWEVER, the real reason why the definition is flawed is because it only requires marriage; not fidelity  is required.  That doesn’t make sense from a practically.  You mean to tell me that if Tiger and Elin would have remained married until they were both dead, he would have been monogamous?  That’s ridiculous.  It’s also ridiculous to say that you are in a monogamous relationship if you are a swinger couple or have an open relationship.  That’s called polyamory and there’s a reason why it’s given it’s own word.

We all know that MONO means one.  It’s really simple actually; monogamy is a relationship with one other person.  That’s it.  It doesn’t have to be a long-term relationship.  If you only have one mate, you are monogamous.  If that one mate only has you as a mate, then you are in a monogamous relationship.

And that’s why #2 is the correct definition and I’m right.

Source: Psychology Today