If you look around in the media today, you’ll notice a disproportionate amount of women that are … well … Trashy. I am a firm believer that men are really looking for a woman that is wholesome, beautiful, and intelligent. But if you look at the women that are seemingly omnipresent like Kim Kardashian, they only seem to have looks going for them.

Andre 3000 said that one day we’re going to have to go to a museum to see a lady. While this is a slight overstatement, it is not that far from the truth. Society has gotten to the point where we thinks looks and class are mutually exclusive. And they are far from it.

I’ve been around enough professional men to know the importance of marrying a LADY. A lady is a woman that you can take to a black-tie affair event. A lady is a woman that knows that simple never goes out of style. A lady is a woman that is supportive and stands by her man at his lowest points. A lady is a woman that realizes that it’s okay to be a freak, but only BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

I’m fortunate enough to have found a lady that is beautiful, intelligent, and extremely wholesome. I know I’ll never find a woman like her and consequently, we went ring shopping yesterday. As I sat in the shop, I couldn’t help but think about how expensive things were. I then thought back to a speech that my boss gave the former day about how marrying his wife is the greatest investment he ever made.

And he’s completely right. There are plenty of Kim K’s that out there; women that are beautiful and go from one rich man to the next. But there’s something to be said about a woman that has depth to her. I’m talking about a woman with whom you can talk about politics; a woman that doesn’t need to pose in a magazine to know she’s beautiful; a woman who you’d never have to worry about messing with your friends.

There are plenty of benefits to marrying a woman with class: she can help you get a promotion/elected; she can help keep you grounded (women with class expect their man to be a gentleman at all times); she will be show your daughter how to be a lady and teach your sons how to treat a lady.

So while I may complain about having to put out a couple thousand for an engagement/wedding ring, I know that a lifetime of happiness is a great return on my investment.

*I apologize if this is a few days late, but I tried to get it run as an Op-Ed piece first. No one took me up on my offer

Relationship Status: It’s (Not That) Complicated

There’s been a lot of talking in the news lately. On Monday, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren formally divorced. Just last week, a new study on why men cheat was released and made national headlines.  According to Christin Munsch, a Ph.D. candidate at Cornell University, men are more likely to cheat when their female partner makes more money than them.  This finding seemingly makes sense as many men may feel emasculated and cheat to regain their manhood.

But if men cheat because they feel powerless, what about the men that cheat because they are powerful, like Tiger?  There’s no secret that celebrities, elected officials, and CEOs are prone to stray because they are constantly travelling and surrounded by women looking for a sugar daddy.

But why stop there?  Let’s not forget that some men cheat because they have an opportunity to date a more attractive woman.  Some men cheat because they lack self control.  Many men cheat because they have more options in the age of the Internet.  Some men, like Gov. Mark Sanford, get married without even taking a vow of fidelity.

Men do not need a reason to cheat, so why waste time trying to find the root cause of it.  Relegating fidelity to a science only leads to ridiculous results.  For instance, according to Dr. Phil, some men cheat because they have the “cheating gene” manifested by a ring finger that’s longer than your index finger.  While people may disagree about whether someone can be born gay, the desire to cheat should be universally understood.  Let’s face it, there are a lot of at women out there.  Monogamy requires a man to turn down every woman for the rest of his life.  Many, dare I say most, men are not up to the challenge.

Thus, I believe, the real inquiry should be into why men do not cheat.  If researchers would focus on why men do not cheat, then sociologists would be able to put together more comprehensive data on monogamous men (i.e. age, viewers of pornography, occupation).  I have read countless studies which attempt to create profiles of male cheaters, but never one on men that are faithful.

Another reason why there should not be studies on why individuals cheat is because monogamy is rooted in contractual, not biological, principles.  All relationships are contracts.  When a man enters into a relationship he expressly or impliedly agrees to be faithful in exchange for faithfulness from the other person.  As a contract, relationships are influenced by external social factors.  A recent study found that people are more likely to get divorced when someone close to them divorces.  The same reasoning applies to cheating

Unfortunately, if you look on television or even in your neighborhoods, you will see men that have failed in their responsibility as a husband and/or father.  It has come to the point where many people have given up on monogamy.

Losing faith in monogamy will only make the problem worse. I often hear women talk about how people make mistakes and how they should give men a second chance. If a man suspects that his significant other would take him back, he’s more likely to take that risk. It’s time for women to stop giving men a separate standard for fidelity. When we enter a relationship each party need to have the attitude that they won’t cheat.  There was a time when we used to expect exclusivity and commitment.  I subsequently added ReExpect.com to my domain name because we need to return to these expectations.

So how do we rethink the way we view infidelity? I believe there’s strength in numbers.  Many men that do not cheat feel persecuted by society because we often measure a man’s masculinity by the number of sexual partners he currently has.  In order for men to be able to be more outspoken about fidelity, we must first foster an environment where it’s cool to be monogamous. Men will think twice about cheating if they are surrounded by men that make them feel bad about it.

The first step is to start looking at the influences of society as a whole instead of the individual.  Some of the greatest romantic films of all time – Casablanca to The Notebook – have infidelity at the root of the story.  Also if we truly want to save monogamy, we must get to root of why men defy culture and choose to be faithful rather than devising scientific theories which seemingly justify infidelity.

I just finished watching a special on the Joy Behar Show that discussed issues of the female figure. The discussion was whether men like skinny women or fuller women. They cited Christina Hendricks as an example that men are looking for curvy women.

I made this exact point in my precious post. I do, however, think that a caveat needs to be provided. Women don’t look like Beyonce and Christina Hendricks unless they work out. And if they do, then that won’t last for too long.

Discussions like the one on the Joy Behar Show are misleading because it implies that men don’t care about women being in shape. Just because Hendricks is a size 12 does not mean that she is not in shape. She makes being a size 12 look damn good. Not everyone can pull that off though. It’s Hendricks’ CURVES that make her sexy, not the fact that she is a size 12. Guys aren’t really looking for a size 12 with no figure at all.

You also don’t have to be a size 12 to have curves. My eyes were glued to the screen when I saw Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow in Iron Man 2. While she is relatively petit, she still has dangerous curves. The same goes for every man’s favorite (fictional) example of the ideal woman: Jessica Rabbit.

So what’s the point in all this? I want women to know that guys aren’t looking for anorexic women. By the same token, I don’t want that to be construed as saying that we do not care about the figure. Just because men are into “curvy” women does not mean we are into all non-skinny women.

Update: I added a photo of Sophia Loren because she’s a classic hottie and to illustrate that the infatuation with curves isn’t new.