People often ask me, “Jarrod how do I know what my rating is?” Here’s a practical example that changed my life (literally).
I took a social psychology class during my senior year in college. We were talking about the law of attraction and the professor asked for 12 volunteers to come to the front. She gave each volunteer a playing card and told them to place in on their forehead with the number facing outward. Therefore, the person with the number did not know their number, but the other 11 people did.
The task was to pair up with the highest number possible. Naturally, everyone went for the Ace and the King. After getting rejected, people started slowly working their way down. At the end of the exercise, and there were six pairs, the pairs were almost perfectly A/K, Q/J, 10/9, 8/7, 6/5, 4/3.
In real life, the numbers represent a package of desirable attributes: looks, wealth, intellect, influence, etc. That’s why you see ugly basketball players with smoking hot wives. The guy may lack in the looks department, but he makes up for it with wealth.
So to answer the question of “what is MY number,” you need to look at the highest rated person that you can attract. I believe there is a slight deviation whereby someone may be able to date up by 2. For example, there are times when a Queen could date an Ace. The queen is happy with a Jack, but would be much happier with an Ace. Unless you’re at the top, no one wants to date someone that is on their level.
It’s a tough pill to swallow because men have serious ego problems. Every man wants to believe that he has a shot with an Ace, but the truth is that is just doesn’t happen for the vast majority of men. This won’t stop men from trying to look for one their entire life though. This approach is all wrong. I’ve always said that men (I can only speak for my sex), need to realize where they fall and then date the highest person that is in their range. If you’re an 8, you need to stop spending your life trying to date a King and need to focus on finding a 10. Once people accept where they are and maximize their potential, I think that people will appreciate the woman they are with instead of constantly looking for something more.
I don’t know where I rank… nor does it particularly matter to me, but I do know this… my man is a ten – possibly a Jack with your system, he’s cute – not hot and he’s comfortable but not rich, but he WAY overcomes anything that keeps him from being an Ace because he is loving, faithful and intelligent… He tells me he doesn’t know what I’m doing with him, and the answer is simple – it’s not settling when the Aces are @$$es…. Think about it, dating or marrying someone above your level means a – they’re dating below theirs b – they can score better than you whenever they want (to some extent) and c – you have to compete with their ego… dating someone on your level or ‘lower’ that has solid traits you adore is well worth it.
To me being with him isn’t settling, he’s a decent guy, and that makes up for what he ‘lacks’ in looks money or power because he’s someone I can love and count on… I know that he’s not looking at anyone else, I can trust him not to cheat or leave me, and I know that he is there for me no matter what… stability matters more to me than finding someone who will ‘better my level’ and as far as looks or money, either one can vanish in an instant and leave your Ace to just their personality which may drop them to a 4… then what?
No, in my mind, if you want someone for the rest of your life, look at the stuff that really matters, do they love you and you love them? are you both committed to making it work? in the moments when everything falls apart, do they have your back? Are you friends as well as lovers? These are the things that hold you together in the long run…. it’s not settling, its long term investing, pick someone that will continue to keep your interest – not just on a visual and financial level…
Cheryl,
I think you underestimate how shallow men are. Many men would rather date a Kim K with a sex tape than the cute girl from work. For me personality is just as important as looks because I know they are not mutually exclusive.
I posted a previous entry about this subject. Science confirms that men are happier when they date up.