People cheat for two reasons: Either 1) the wrong person or 2) it’s the wrong time. Once you get into your mid-20s, men should be past #2. Thus the real issue should be whether they can find the right person. Unfortunately many men settle in relationships. We want to marry Megan Fox, but we SETTLE for the cute girl that went to grad school with us. It’s TECHNICALLY not settling if you marry the best option that is available to you, but it’s still not exactly what you want.
To clarify: Every man wants a 10. If the guy is a 6 himself, it’s basically impossible for him to date a woman higher than an 8. So he’s likely to marry a woman that is at the fringe of his range (8). He’s going to be happy until he has access to a woman that is higher than an 8. Now that we have Facebook, there’s unlimited access. And that explains why 25% of divorces cite Facebook as the cause of divorce.
Case in point, check out CheatConfession.com. It’s a site where men and women anonymously post about how much their relationships suck because they’ve either cheated or are thinking about cheating. It also has a discussion page for people that have been cheated on. Let’s see if we can find a trend amongst men that are considering cheating.
I have been dating this girl for about 6 months now and the other night I was out with my friends and I saw the hottest blond I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t help it but all I wanted to do was f*ck her. I tried to put her out of my mind but she came up to me and started being kind of flirty. I bout her a drink against my judgment. One turned into 3 or 4 and I was feeling pretty good. She was all over me and I was really tempted to kiss her. My conscious got the better of me and I left the bar. I have been thinking about her since. All I can think about is f*cking her.
Never though about cheating ever…except for this one time. I had been dating this girl for a while. Over a year. Things weren’t going as good as I’d hoped. It was actually pretty bad. I was working this job and started to become friendly with a bunch of people at my job. One day this girl, Jessica, comes up to me and asks what I’m doing that night. She invited me out to a bar with a bunch of other co-workers. I went. Now, this girl is brunette, nice body, and a nice rack. We had a bunch of drinks, and Jessica started to get a bit more friendly. She even invited me back to her place that night. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess its because I’m a gentleman at heart. I just went home. I heard the girl went home with someone else that night.
Soo i wish i didn’t have a gf lol there som many hot girls on facebook why the f**k do they post the hotest pictures of themselves in bikini’s relvealing everything. God i forgot what it was like to not be committed
me & my girlfriend have been dating for almost 8 years, and i just bought an engagement ring, with the hopes of proposing someday soon.
However, she has been having some personal issues, namely poor self-image. The end result is no sex for the forseeable future until she cant work thru her issues. Being the caring one i understand and im not mad at her or the situation at all.
But, i have a co-worker. She is a little sexpot and is extremely interested in me. Also, the stories she tells me are, well, quite interesting. She’s also said to me numerous times that if i wasnt seeing my girlfriend she’d be all over me in a second.
With my girlfriend and my issues in the bedroom, i am increasingly giving thought to cheating on my girlfriend with my co-worker.
I hope you spotted the trend. EVERY instance of a man thinking about cheating involved a woman that was hotter than his girlfriend. As someone that has been in this situation. If you have a DESIRE to be with someone when you are in a relationship, you need to end it. If someone is truly the “apple of your eye” you will notice other woman, but you won’t have that burning urge to ask a woman out (or do more).
I’m willing to put money on it that all of these guys will eventually cheat on their significant others if they stay in a relationship.
P.S. To illustrate that women are just as shallow as men:
Me and my boyfriend have been together now for a long time….About 3 years. I really think he’s the man I’m going to marry. I kind of feel guilty though because the other day at the gym I noticed the new trainer looking at me. he is really hot and has a body that my boyfriend could never attain. He started talking to me and I found myself acting like a middle schooler. I was so into it. He asked me out for dinner and I said I’d have to think about it. I hope I’m not a bad person because I don’t know what to do.
Oh my God. I can’t believe what I just read. Who wrote this opinion on cheating?!? To me it looks exactly like the reasons that I have personally learned, and have read about for being the reason, NOT the reason the writer stated. Do you not see the obvious trend here? It’s about 2 things: sex, and attention. NOT the wrong person. Men cheat for sex. “She’s so hot” “All I can think about is f***ing her”. Place a naked woman in front of any warm-blooded male and he’d probably do the deed with her, especially if he knew he’d get away with it! If this is not true, than why is pornography such an addiction in society today. Men are wired differently than women. Men consider sex as a biological need, where as women see it as an emotional need.
My next point: The girl liked the attention she received from the guy at the gym. He made her feel sexy or hot again. Would she have had an serious thoughts on cheating with him had he not been so forward with her? I believe no.
Bottom line, there is no such thing as a “wrong person”, we make the decision to be happy and make it work with who we are with. It has nothing to do with how they look or if they are better or one up than who they are with, why did we choose them in the first place? We obviously see and feel something in that person. We also all have love languages that talk to our way of feeling loved and appreciated. Once the intoxication of new love wears off, if that person doesn’t continue to feed our need for love and worth, than yeah, we are going to look for someone else to feed that need and yeah we’re going to look for characteristics that your current mate doesn’t have.
Infidelity isn’t a reason to leave, it’s a wake up call. To figure out what you may be doing to be making the other person so unhappy that they are unable to fulfill your needs anymore. And then Fix it. If you fix it, your relationship WILL guaranteed be better than ever.
Chandra,
I actually will have to disagree with you on this one. There is such thing as the wrong person. I posted a previous entry about how men are more likely to be in happier, monogamous relationships when their significant other looks better than them.
And this makes sense too. How many “average Joes” would cheat on a woman that looked Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, Megan Fox, etc? The average Joe couldn’t date these women even if they wanted to. So given the chance to, they wouldn’t screw it up (or at least would be less likely to screw it up than if they dated a cute woman). Men don’t want to marry a cute woman; we want to marry someone that is smoking hot. Even though the average Joe can’t marry a 10, but he can marry the best looking woman that he can get. If he doesn’t reach his maximum potential, he’s going to fall when that hot, sexy thing from the gym comes around (hence all of the examples in the previous post).
I know because I’ve once dated someone that wasn’t at the fringes of my potential. I always felt as though my ex looked better than her. This is never a good idea. Life is about climbing UP a ladder and relationships are no exception. Don’t get me wrong, that woman was attractive, but she didn’t keep me on my toes. A man is not going to be faithful unless he realizes that he could not find another woman like his significant other even ifhe tried. I knew that I could find other women like my ex girlfriend because I had done it before.
Jarrod,
I’m going to guess you are about 23-25 years old? I am going to also guess that you happen to think you are a 8-10 in the looks department? I also am going to guess that you have never been in a “serious” monogamous relationship longer than maybe, umm a year?
If you had you would realize that someones attractiveness in a relationship changes after you get used to seeing them not only at their best, but their worst, their sickest, their bad habits, unshaved, ungroomed mess of natural human that even the hottest of chicks have in them. Bad breath and all. I have happened to hear of lots of celebrities, gorgeous, paid and known for their 10 looks who have spouses/boyfriends who cheat on them. How do you explain Hugh Grant with what’s her face (that model from Estee Lauder considered one of the most beautiful women in the world), And last I read, Halle Berry’s relationship just ended, and all those other chicks mentioned don’t currently have anyone seriously committed to them, and have a history of different relationships. I happen to know that there is a LOT more to it than looks. And looks happen to be a matter of perception, isn’t it? Hello!!! Perception isn’t reality!!!
I was married for 10 years to a former model, who at the time I met him I thought, was THE best looking guy I ever dated. Guess what? I cheated on him with someone who was actually an 8 in the looks department, because he understood me, and was caring. Now I’m married to a guy who makes half the money the last guy did, and according to family and friends, is not as attractive as the last husband, a little overweight, a little thinning on top, a little bit of a temper, but I am truly, deeply in love, truly truly happy, and am actually starting to believe in soul mates because we are so truly connected.
We’ve been married two years, and a year ago, he cheated on me. I would consider myself an 8 or a 9 in looks. I have never had any problem getting dates or attention. 5’7″ 118, brunette. Have been told I look like Megan Fox, well okay, that was one time, and he was drunk!! It still counts in my eyes. I never thought he would have ever cheated on me because I look so good. I really did believe that would be enough to keep him faithful. But honestly, I was failing to show him respect, and love in the way he needs, and after discovering what ways do, and fixing some other issues, we are happier and better than ever. Amazing sex life, we are happy.
My advice to you is to grow up a little. Give someone a chance based on what they may have to offer, not just what the wrapper looks like. There are LOTS of attractive people out there, but truly only ONE right person for you.
Good luck!
Chandra
Looks and personality aren’t mutually exclusive. People automatically assume that when you date someone that’s extremely attractive, that’s got to be the only reason. I think my girlfriend is about as close to a ten as they come, but I’m happy in the relationship for who she is on the inside. She’s intelligent, modest, and, inspiring, and thoughtful. We truly are best friends and feel comfortable enough to tell each other anything. I think looks are VERY important, but would never date someone on the basis of looks alone.
I am very confused Jarrod, base upon your idea of attraction that is what matters. You seem to indicate that status, wealth, or looks are the only reason a 10 would have relations with a 6. besides, are we not to understand that these numerals are used to rank an individual base upon his/her looks. I understand that we have been conditioned to persue the lookers; as if, sex with the lookers is different than with the person who may not be such a looker.
Otis, if you haven’t already read my post explaining how the numbers game works, you should definitely check it out. I’m definitely not making this up. This is based on science AND common sense. The primary objective of dating is to date the highest person possible. We all have a rating attached to ourselves whether we like it or not based on our looks, education, status, profession, etc. That’s why you don’t see too many college-educated people marrying people that aren’t college educated. That’s also why you don’t see too many celebrities dating non-celebrities. Even within celebrities, you’re going to celebrities of a higher rank date celebrities of a higher rank. Ever wonder why Beyonce ended up with Jay-Z as opposed to a Coolio? She’s definitely not with Jay-Z because he’s the best looking rapper. We also know that Heidi Klum didn’t marry Seal for looks. Donald Trump?
Let’s be real here. Men care about looks first and foremost. Yes you can just have sex with an attractive women, but ultimately the goal in life is to marry an attractive woman as well. Men are happier in relationships with a woman that is more attractive than they are. I see it every day when I see guys walking down the street. And science confirms this. Looks obviously aren’t everything, but it does explain why so many men go to strip clubs, why 77% of men watch porn, and why guys stay on Facebook all day looking at attractive women. And yes “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but there are certain objective traits in beauty including facial symmetry and hip-to-waist ratio which are rooted in biology.
Also clarify what you mean by “relations.” I’m not talking about sex here. I’m talking about dating and marriage. No one wants to “settle” in life. But that’s why there’s a standard deviation built into the formula. For an 8 to date a 10, it means that the 10 must be dating down. While this situation is not ideal, at least an 8 is in that person’s range. But it’s quite a stretch to say that she should aim for a 6. We’re not talking about a one-night stand here. We’re talking about the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. No one wants to wake up every day to a constant reminder of how they failed to marry someone that wasn’t even in their range.