Wow, what better way to start my BAR review recess than to have this jewel sitting at the top of my page. I posted earlier today about a new site called MyMarriageMatters which is an anti-Ashley Madison site. It turns out that Ashley Trashy Madison must find our sites to be a threat because Trashy Madison was sending e-mails as Ryan Hill, of MyMarriageMatters.org. They even got me with that fake e-mail address mymarriagematters@gmail.com.

I erroneously thought that MyMarriageMatters was in some way affiliated with Trashy Madison when I received a comment from a “Ryan Hill” with the same IP Address as Caitlyn Coverly, an employee of Trashy Madison (see pictures above). The e-mail address matched the e-mails that I had been receiving from “Ryan Hill” requesting statistics and other information from me.

Now why would Trashy Madison do this? I can only come up with two explanations. 1) Trashy Madison wanted two of their opponents to bicker. I doubt this was it because I don’t think that they are smart enough to plan for me to notice the IP addresses. Rather, I think it’s 2) Trashy Madison is upset that MyMarriageMatters got some airtime. They also wanted to get some information out of me. Here’s the text of an e-mail that I received from Trashy Madison posing as Ryan Hill of MyMarriageMatters:

Hi Jarrod,

Sorry I haven’t touched base with you. I have been extremely busy getting our commercial ready – aired last night for the first time!
I am working on a page for our website called “Noel Biderman says” and we will be creating a page proving him wrong.

If you have any time and want to assist me with this let me know.

The three statements we are going after are:

“Infidelity can save your marriage”

“Monogamy is dead”

“Commercials don’t influence people”

I want to use stats to prove these statements wrong.

Let me know.

Ryan

I APOLOGIZE to Ryan Hill and MyMarriageMatters.org for the mix-up. Let the record reflect that MyMarriageMatters.org has ABSOLUTELY NO RELATIONSHIP to Trashy Madison. Trashy Madison set up a fake e-mail account and pretended to be Ryan Hill.

Again I ask, what kind of confidential marital affairs website do you run Noel? You can’t even set up a fake e-mail address with me knowing. This just goes to show you how far Trashy Madison will go and how low they will stoop.

Update: Ashley Madison = MyMarriageMatters.org. My gut instinct was right. Check it out here

People often ask me, “Jarrod how do I know what my rating is?” Here’s a practical example that changed my life (literally).

I took a social psychology class during my senior year in college.  We were talking about the law of attraction and the professor asked for 12 volunteers to come to the front.  She gave each volunteer a playing card and told them to place in on their forehead with the number facing outward.  Therefore, the person with the number did not know their number, but the other 11 people did.

The task was to pair up with the highest number possible.  Naturally, everyone went for the Ace and the King.  After getting rejected, people started slowly working their way down.  At the end of the exercise, and there were six pairs, the pairs were almost perfectly A/K, Q/J, 10/9, 8/7, 6/5, 4/3.

In real life, the numbers represent a package of desirable attributes: looks, wealth, intellect, influence, etc. That’s why you see ugly basketball players with smoking hot wives.  The guy may lack in the looks department, but he makes up for it with wealth.

So to answer the question of “what is MY number,” you need to look at the highest rated person that you can attract.  I believe there is a slight deviation whereby someone may be able to date up by 2.  For example, there are times when a Queen could date an Ace.  The queen is happy with a Jack, but would be much happier with an Ace.  Unless you’re at the top, no one wants to date someone that is on their level.

It’s a tough pill to swallow because men have serious ego problems.  Every man wants to believe that he has a shot with an Ace, but the truth is that is just doesn’t happen for the vast majority of men.  This won’t stop men from trying to look for one their entire life though.  This approach is all wrong.  I’ve always said that men (I can only speak for my sex), need to realize where they fall and then date the highest person that is in their range.  If you’re an 8, you need to stop spending your life trying to date a King and need to focus on finding a 10.  Once people accept where they are and maximize their potential, I think that people will appreciate the woman they are with instead of constantly looking for something more.

During actress Debbie Reynolds’ advice column, she responds to a young woman by telling her that sex addiction is a “bona fide illness.”  This prompts Andrew Brown of the Telegraph to respond with the following:

I don’t want to get bogged down in debating whether or not addiction is a real illness. Briefly, I think drug and alcohol addiction are sufficiently like illnesses to be treated in the same way as illnesses. And they are definitely medical issues, so their treatment is definitely the province of doctors. They are not to be dealt with as if they were moral issues.

Having said that, I am extremely doubtful whether adultery is an addiction. I don’t think it’s any kind of medical problem or illness. And to say it might be is to take a step towards abolishing all morality and personal ethics. Increasingly I think this is what is happening. More and more all personal conduct is pathologised and treated as though doing wrong equals a biological malfunction with no element of moral responsibility in the individual. The only truly immoral action, it strikes me – in the eyes of many people – is racist or sexist language, or anything that wounds the amour propre of a minority.

This is wrong. An amoral universe will not be a universe where people behave better. They will behave worse, because they have limitless excuses and no moral disapproval from peers to restrain their behaviour.

Well said Andrew.  People are born with a desire for sexual intimacy.  That’s normal.  Babies aren’t born with an innate predisposition to controlled substances (unless their mother used drugs during pregnancy).

Source: Telegraph

People cheat for two reasons: Either 1) the wrong person or 2) it’s the wrong time.  Once you get into your mid-20s, men should be past #2. Thus the real issue should be whether they can find the right person.  Unfortunately many men settle in relationships.  We want to marry Megan Fox, but we SETTLE for the cute girl that went to grad school with us.  It’s TECHNICALLY not settling if you marry the best option that is available to you, but it’s still not exactly what you want.

To clarify: Every man wants a 10.  If the guy is a 6 himself, it’s basically impossible for him to date a woman higher than an 8.  So he’s likely to marry a woman that is at the fringe of his range (8).  He’s going to be happy until he has access to a woman that is higher than an 8.  Now that we have Facebook, there’s unlimited access. And that explains why 25% of divorces cite Facebook as the cause of divorce.

Case in point, check out CheatConfession.com. It’s a site where men and women anonymously post about how much their relationships suck because they’ve either cheated or are thinking about cheating.  It also has a discussion page for people that have been cheated on.  Let’s see if we can find a trend amongst men that are considering cheating.

I have been dating this girl for about 6 months now and the other night I was out with my friends and I saw the hottest blond I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t help it but all I wanted to do was f*ck her. I tried to put her out of my mind but she came up to me and started being kind of flirty. I bout her a drink against my judgment. One turned into 3 or 4 and I was feeling pretty good. She was all over me and I was really tempted to kiss her. My conscious got the better of me and I left the bar. I have been thinking about her since. All I can think about is f*cking her.

Never though about cheating ever…except for this one time. I had been dating this girl for a while. Over a year. Things weren’t going as good as I’d hoped. It was actually pretty bad. I was working this job and started to become friendly with a bunch of people at my job. One day this girl, Jessica, comes up to me and asks what I’m doing that night. She invited me out to a bar with a bunch of other co-workers. I went. Now, this girl is brunette, nice body, and a nice rack. We had a bunch of drinks, and Jessica started to get a bit more friendly. She even invited me back to her place that night. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess its because I’m a gentleman at heart. I just went home. I heard the girl went home with someone else that night.

Soo i wish i didn’t have a gf lol there som many hot girls on facebook why the f**k do they post the hotest pictures of themselves in bikini’s relvealing everything. God i forgot what it was like to not be committed

me & my girlfriend have been dating for almost 8 years, and i just bought an engagement ring, with the hopes of proposing someday soon.
However, she has been having some personal issues, namely poor self-image. The end result is no sex for the forseeable future until she cant work thru her issues. Being the caring one i understand and im not mad at her or the situation at all.
But, i have a co-worker. She is a little sexpot and is extremely interested in me. Also, the stories she tells me are, well, quite interesting. She’s also said to me numerous times that if i wasnt seeing my girlfriend she’d be all over me in a second.
With my girlfriend and my issues in the bedroom, i am increasingly giving thought to cheating on my girlfriend with my co-worker.

I hope you spotted the trend.  EVERY instance of a man thinking about cheating involved a woman that was hotter than his girlfriend.  As someone that has been in this situation.  If you have a DESIRE to be with someone when you are in a relationship, you need to end it.  If someone is truly the “apple of your eye” you will notice other woman, but you won’t have that burning urge to ask a woman out (or do more).

I’m willing to put money on it that all of these guys will eventually cheat on their significant others if they stay in a relationship.

P.S. To illustrate that women are just as shallow as men:

Me and my boyfriend have been together now for a long time….About 3 years. I really think he’s the man I’m going to marry. I kind of feel guilty though because the other day at the gym I noticed the new trainer looking at me. he is really hot and has a body that my boyfriend could never attain. He started talking to me and I found myself acting like a middle schooler. I was so into it. He asked me out for dinner and I said I’d have to think about it. I hope I’m not a bad person because I don’t know what to do.

Prof. Bradford Wilcox at the University of Virginia has proposed that the federal government spend funds to promote marriage as a social institution.  According to the article

“We need to appreciate that marriage is more than an emotional connection between two people,” Wilcox said. “There are kids; it’s a kind of economic cooperation, a form of social insurance.”

Wilcox says churches, the entertainment industry and other cultural institutions would have to embrace this view of marriage, not just the government. He proposes federal funding for public-service announcements and other social marketing to promote marriage, modeled on anti-smoking campaigns.

And to discourage divorce, he says, states should change marriage laws so spouses who are being divorced against their will and have not engaged in abuse or adultery would be given preferential treatment by family courts in determining alimony, child support and custody of children.

I don’t have a problem with this concept as a whole, but I think the approach needs to change.  Federal campaigns focus on what you don’t need to do: Drink and Drive, Use meth, Harm your spouse, Smoke cigarettes, etc. Rather than a pro-marriage campaign, it should probably be an anti-divorce campaign or an anti-infidelity campaign.  Thoughts?

Source: Washington Post

I thought suing your husband’s mistress was ridiculous, but this takes the cake.  Here’s the story: A Toronto woman (man those Canadians love to cheat) and mother of two was having an affair.  Her husband eventually found out about it when he noticed a bunch of long-distance calls to their residence.  He then left her.  And now she wants to sue the cell phone company for $600,000. Smh.

The woman alleges that Roger’s Wireless improperly terminated her phone bill under her maiden name and combined it with her family account.  The defense is that the woman was behind in her payments, so they canceled the defunct account and added it to one in which they were making payments.  The company also left a voicemail instructed them that they were going to terminate her personal account.  Also the company put all of the family accounts together once the husband decided to add more services to the account (phone, TV, Internet).

According to the article:

Nagy is deeply embarrassed and ashamed about what happened. “It was a mistake,” she said of the affair. “But I didn’t deserve to lose my life over it.”

After her husband left her and their two children, ages 6 and 7, she was so distraught her work performance suffered and she lost her job as an apartment rental agent that had paid her almost $100,000 until she was let go in Oct. 10, 2007. “The plaintiff wept uncontrollably at her workplace . . . and became incapable of performing her employment duties,” reads the statement of claim. Nagy says the employer was aware of the situation and that she was receiving medical attention.

Let’s get this straight.  YOU decide to sleep around on your husband.  YOU decide not to pay the account in your name.  And now YOU want to sue because your husband found out about it.  You’ve got some nerve.  You don’t deserve to have your life ruined because of this? Why not? Being an adult is about accepting responsibility.  It’s called liability.  If you are bold enough to cheat, you need to face up to the consequences.  If you want to blame someone, then look in the mirror.  $600K is not going to get your life back.

Source: Toronto Star

My girlfriend and I went to see Just Wright with Common, Queen Latifah & Paula Patton last night.  She absolutely loved it. I thought it was okay.

The Good: Lots of attractive people in it. Paula Patton (for the fellas). Dwight Howard (for the ladies).  Positive depiction of an NBA player.  Common’s character is very down to earth.  He’s very close to his mother (Phylicia Rashaad) and is quite the gentleman.  He’s not a womanizer, even though he’s extremely smooth.

The Bad:  The storyline.  What’s likelihood of a franchise NBA player choosing Paula Patton (even though she’s a golddigger) for Queen Latifah, Patton’s Godsister with a heart of gold).  I hate how movies, almost always make good looks and a great personality mutually exclusive.

The Ugly: The acting.  Common is one of my favorite emcees, but he’s a pretty bad actor.  This isn’t a small role in Smoking Aces or Wanted; Common was the star in this film.

Even though I thought the movie was okay, I still support it because there’s a deficiency of romantic comedies with a majority Black cast.  If I’m not mistaken, the last one before this was The Last Holiday with Queen Latifah (again) and LL Cool J (another rapper).

Abudallah Kazibwe was rushed to a hospital in the Nebbi District in Uganda after Habib (last name?) found him in bed with his live-in girlfriend Irene (last name?). Abdullah and Irene used to date and Abdullah, a truck driver, just wanted to stop by and see her while he was in the area.  Apparently the flame was rekindled and they ended up having sex. Somehow Habib heard about it, stormed in, and caught them in the act.  Habib cut off Abdullah’s testicles with a kitchen knife.

We don’t know whether Irene conveyed to Abdullah that she was in a new relationship.  If she did, then I guess we can’t feel too sorry for him.  And if he didn’t know, then this is quite a tragedy.

We read cases like this all of the time in criminal law during my first year in law school.  Since Habib acted out of passion, he’d get a lesser sentence.  I can understand him being mad, but I’ve never been the type to get mad if my significant other decides to cheat on me.  In fact, men should expect that other men will try to sleep with their woman (I actually wouldn’t want to date someone that no one else would want).  But that’s why you date someone that is trustworthy.  Habib’s anger, instead, should have been placed toward the person that has a duty to him – Irene.

Source: New Vision (Uganda)

Extremely awkward, but cool.  The bride works for the company that makes the i-Fairy robot. I’m always fascinated by ways people try to spruce up weddings.

Source: Mashable

Monogamy is not easy for some.  Especially those that haven’t been monogamous in 23 years, like Mickey Rourke.  Nevertheless, he’s monogamous now that he’s dating Russian model/artist Anastasia Makarenko.  He admits that it’s not easy, but the important thing is that he’s trying.  Monogamy is a fight and you only lose when you stop fighting.

Source: IndyPosted