I love it how whenever people cheat they say that they are going to stay together for the kids. Why is it that the cheating spouse(s) couldn’t think about the kids beforehand? Cheating is not just a private action. It affects family, friends, work, etc.
No cheater thinks that they’ll get caught. But what happens when you do? How do you explain this to your kids? What if your kid catches you in the act?
Not only does cheating hurt your child in the present, “[a]dultery can damage a child’s sense of trust and influence their understanding of love and marriage as children and adults, ” says Ana Nogales author of “Parents Who Cheat.” That’s why cheating is such a selfish act. You are so concerned about yourself that you fail to consider how you can hurt others.
Getting married is a privilege and so is having kids. If you want the freedom of not having to think about other people’s feelings, then don’t get into a serious relationship. You can’t have your wedding cake and eat it too.
Source: Miami Herald
Extra: Dear Annie: Child Witnesses Infidelity
Boy, I definitely agree. Parent need to realize that they are the example to their children, and not just with how you treat people, how hard you have to work, etc. Kids also learn about relationships and how to treat the opposite sex from their parents. If a parent is going around dogging the opposite sex, then that child may grow up to having trust issues when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. If a boy grows up hearing that all women are lying gold-diggers, and girls grow up hearing that all men are no good, then they are going to grow up believe that. I also read that, if the father cheated on the mother, than the son is also more likely to cheat on their significant other when they grow up and get into a relationship.
Parent have to realize that they are the example in EVERYTHING including how well they treat the opposite sex. Cheating is a VERY selfish act because, like you already mentioned, all you think about is yourself and your needs without any forethought on how it can potentially affect the people that love you. And what is just as selfish, if not, MORE is that some of these same cheaters EXPECT that the person THAT THEY ARE CHEATING ON to remain FAITHFUL, as if they deserve it. But I am veering off topic. Cheating affects the whole family. It can not only hurt the kids but can have a deep influence on them; influence that won’t manifest until they get into a relationship.
I do believe that, if the parent were faithful to one another and treated each other well, that the kids are more than likely to do the same when they get older. I believe that it is more psychological than anything.
I’m not sure that people who cheat “think” much at all, much less about ANYone else. How do you analyze a situation that’s risky at best and catastrophic at worst and still decide to go forward? Cheating seems to be about an emotional “reward”, and some selfish people put that above concern for their partner or family.
EVERY decision you make is made based on a cost-benefit analysis. Rational people only act where the benefits outweigh the costs. The costs of cheating are quite high: harm to your significant other, family, friends, and job. The benefits only include the thrill of cheating.
So believe it or not, your brain does take your kids into consideration when you decide whether to cheat. You would only act “rationally” where costs outweigh benefits. In other words, you don’t value family that much OR you’ve got a chance to sleep with Beyonce. Hopefully the former won’t be the case and it’s almost impossible for the latter to happen. However, if you can sleep with Beyonce, you most likely already have a woman that looks like her and the benefits of cheating would be quite marginal (a man that’s a 5 is pretty much limited to women 7 and under). So if someone tries to justify cheating, it’s probably becase they don’t care about their family.