Every decision we make is based upon a cost-benefit analysis. There is a baseline presumption that humans are rational and rational individuals don’t act where the costs are greater than the benefits (costs>benefits).
For instance, you wouldn’t drive 50 miles just to save 5 cents per gallon on gas because you would have to calculate lost time, wear and tear on your car, lost gas from driving 50 miles, etc.
There aren’t many benefits involved with infidelity. Yes there is the novelty and thrill-seeking value, but that’s about it. The costs, however, are prohibitively high. Divorce costs, damaged relationships with your wife and children, damaged reputation, cost in finding a suitable replacement for your significant other (because you may not want to marry the mistress), etc.
Therefore, in order for a man to cheat on his significant other the costs must be EXTREMELY LOW or the benefits must be EXTREMELY HIGH. The costs are only going to be extremely low where a man thinks that there is no way that he is going to get caught. Our “favorite” website, AshleyMadison.com, helps to drive down this fear/change. So whenever Noel sits there and says that his website doesn’t encourage people to cheat, you know he’s BSing. We all know that people would be less likely to cheat if the person knew that they wouldn’t get caught.
The second piece to the puzzle means that the benefits of cheating are extremely high. This means that you are not happy in your relationship and being with someone else would make you that much happier. From 1973-76, 69.6% of men said that they were very happy in their relationships. However, during 2004-06, this figure dropped to 62.9%. For every period studied from 1973-2006, women were less likely than men to be very happy in their marriage (National Marriage Project, http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/pdfs/2008update.pdf). Nevertheless, women do not cheat at nearly the same rate as men. So what does this mean? 1) Women are better cheaters 2) Women have emotional affairs 3) There’s more of a stigma attached when women cheat 4) Women exhibit more self-restraint and/or 5) Women realize that the costs of cheating are too high.
Men can’t do anything about #1 or #2, but we can do something about the rest. Men should be ashamed when they cheat. It should not be something we feel comfortable telling our friends, much less bragging about. Men must realize that we can’t do everything we want in relationships and that our private decisions have very public consequences. Maybe it has to do with the fact that men don’t give birth to children that makes them willing to throw family away for a cheap thrill. This change is only going to come about by us holding each other accountable and holding men to a new, higher standard.
Finally, in order to decrease the benefit of cheating, we must marry the right women. I truly believe that if you marry the RIGHT woman, you won’t need to look at porn (hardcore or softcore). You won’t constantly think to yourself, “dang, why doesn’t my wife look like that.” Every guy has that one woman that he liked in school that didn’t given him the time of day. You know that feeling that you got every time she came around. That’s the kind of woman you need to marry (except your wife will actually give you the time of day).
I’ve never thought cheating was cool, but the primary reason I don’t cheat now is because I know I’d be a fool to do so. There are plenty of guys waiting for me to mess up and I’m not going to do them that favor. The standard is not finding someone that is more attractive, smarter, and/or more accomplished than your significant other. In order for cheating to be deemed rational, you would have to have someone that would COMPLETELY TIP THE SCALES IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. That ain’t happening. Ergo, I’m not going cheating.
In Tiger’s case, there’s no reason why he should have cheated on his wife. This is going to cost him millions of dollars. His wife is a former Swedish supermodel turned nanny (so she’s great with the kids). I don’t know much about Elin’s past, but I know she’s not a prostitute. And I don’t know much about her ability in bed, but I doubt that she’s that bad so that he has to go out and sleep with porn stars and cocktail waitresses. One would expect that a porn stars good in bed, but remember that no man knows how good someone is in bed based upon their looks. So you can’t even say beforehand that the benefit is worth it. Simply put, if costs>benefits, you’re an idiot. Plain and simple.
I know this food for thought is deep, so chew on it before you digest. Be sure to save room for Part 2.
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